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Antida
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Name: Abigail
Country: United States
State: Missouri
Metro: Springfield
Birthday: 7/1/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: Water sports, wakeboarding & kayaking especially, longboarding, music festivals, tattoos and body modification, Spanish language, South American culture, travelling, foreign films & music, talking to all kinds of people and learning new things, open-minded-ness, Thailand, London, South America & the many treasures that can be found there ::smiles::, studying Buddhism, marshmallow-roasting, and of course, rooftop-yelling!
Occupation: Lover
Industry: Nonprofit
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
3/26/2005
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| Hey guys! Miss me? It's probably been half a year since I was last on here. But for a quick update I'm in my Sophomore year of college, studying Dietetics and Nutrition. I moved into a house in Springfield with a roommate (my sister), I work at the YMCA now, and I got engaged two months ago to my wonderful boyfriend Bryan. That's pretty much it. Nothing much has happened at all haha. Bryan and I (although more I than Bryan) :] have started planning our wedding. After we got engaged we just kind of lollygagged around (ok I did, not him) and didn't even think about dates. We finally settled on May 19 at Thorncrown Chapel, a beautiful all-glass chapel in Eureka Springs, Arkansas. www.thorncrown.com Ever since choosing a date I've been all aflutter with excitement. I'm actually planning my own wedding! I never thought this day would come.. My sister, mom, and I went gown shopping yesterday and I found a great prospect.. I went to two more bridal shops today but every other dress paled in comparison to the first one I tried on. So I think I made my decision and it's only been two days. I've searched all the bridal catalogs and all the websites, and I am sure this one is it. I asked my sister to be my maid of honor and I am pretty sure she is more excited about my wedding than I am haha. I think she's most excited about planning my bachelorette party. She dragged me around the mall yesterday to look at bridesmaids dresses and wedding ring sets. I told her I did not want a huge diamond like she wants.. but there was this one.. it's perfect.. but probably too expensive. We'll see though, right? Hopefully I can convince Bryan to come to the mall with me today to check it out :] I'm wearied by all the things ahead that need to be planned. It's going to be timely and not to mention costly. I'm trying to make it as cheap as possible, though by cutting corners when it comes to food, the cake, and music at the reception. Good grief. That's all I needed to write about. I Just needed to vent really quickly .. this is going to be a crazy time! | | |
| It looks like I get to do the medical experiment thing after all :) I went in to recheck my height and weight and I had gained a couple pounds so I am eligible now. Yes! And I know all of the girls are staring at their computer screens in horror right now thinking, "..Abbi is happy to gain weight...WHY?" Well, I will tell you:
This medical research is funding my expedition to South America. That's it. So I am very thrilled and excited and all that other good stuff. I now do not have to worry about money anymore :)
This poem is in honor of the rain we've been having lately..
Instances
Speak only of today
For tomorrow will always be there.
& in this instance,
you and me,
by small degrees
& able abberations,
quite enjoy
being swallowed by the rain..
& in this instance
if at all possible..
The "I" in I love you
is much stronger
than the "I" in to miss.
-Abigail 4/28/06
________________
I think I will call this one..
Hotel sheets
Your arms were entwined in the hotel sheets
and there were diamonds cascading from your eyes.
& outside the snow is still ariving..
like I am still arriving..
& I know then that you were misused.
& if my explanations
don't amount to anything
I would ask then for you to fold me
into the swirls of smoke
dissipating from your cigarette
...then quietly blow me away.
"It is enough," you say..
But I see what it does
to the surface of your diamonds
and to the ivory of the sheets..
& I'm sorry - you thought it was your fault,
didn't you.. all those months..
-Abigail 4/28/06
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| & let me tell you
about your funeral
& how I stood
in the penetrating cold
& the pewter rain -
weeping five-point snowflakes
and crystalized dew -
& how I stood
...waiting...
...listening...
for that one four-letter-word
for how I may survive
...without you...
& let me tell you
about your absense
& how it wraps itself
in the space between the doors
& in the smoke of the drug I have inhaled to..
to keep me sane.
& a touch from a hand to a knee
registers in the silence & the brain.
& the next week I am unable
to stop touching accidentally
your place at the table
or the curve of the pillow
..where your beautiful head...
..used to lay..
..next to mine..
- Abigail 4/25/06 | | |
| & I've always admired fiction romance turned reality & one love bohemians & I've always admired faded color photos of the black and white history of our lives & I've always admired ...my lover
& my lover is depressed & my lover is a foreign land & my lover can't sleep & "I have no lovers though I love my lovers" & I have no lovers but I love them & they love to be happy & they love to be mine & they love to cling to their love & they love to cling to their love which is really a love of infatuation & I love to understand hims now & I love to understand hers now & I love looking forward to sleeping on sandy beaches & I love to give freely of my blankets & I love to laugh at my lovers & I love to ignore the vices in my kitchen & I love to indulge the vices in my bedroom & I love to kiss my lover one thousand times & I love to check the messages from my lover & I love the hip-bones and the space between them that is love & I love the cold showers in the bedroom of love & love & love & "the whatness of the space in my love goes to hell" & "the it of my love goes to lunch" & "my love is an object with great use of verbs" & "my love is an object with great use of colors" & "I know that objects are absolutely amazing now" & _______ _____ __ _____ is love & "copping some love is proof of further love" & love takes its rollerblades off & lies under lover's tree & lies under lover's lover & love sits on the couch with no shirt on & love has a message engraved into love's leather chest & I read it loving to understand that I've been hopelessly defeated by love
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Yeah I'm not in love.. I have just felt like posting crazy nonsensical maniacal entries lately haha. The sentences and words in quotes are lines I used from other writings and works. I just found them and really like how they sounded and wanted them put into my writing. :) | | |
| It's this again. Again and again. Such a wonderful buzz. Such a wonderful high. Such a wonderful thrill. And yet.. when it all comes down.. I am okay.
I'm tripping again. I'm high, hopped up, blazed, flying, stupefied, loaded, narcotized.
I’m in orbit, joy riding, nodding, spaced-out, bombed, ripped, smashed, zonked, bashed.
I’m snowed, tripped out, slewed, turned in, polluted, coasting, zoned.
I’m wigged out, buzzed, smashed, canned, crocked, on a bun, flushed, charged up, glazed, groggy.
I’m hammered, hosed, inebriated, lit, dazed, doped, wiped out, strung out, plastered, floating, plowed, blown away, potted, seeing double, tanked, junked up, tight.
I’m totaled, wasted, bagged, blind, stoned, boiled, dizzy, fried, jagged, looped, lush, shot, juiced, laced, coked, swacked, unsober, wired, and …….happy.
We are playing the game again. Pure happiness. Great! It can cut down everything. It's Better than anaesthetic, cocain, high purity cocain, reefer. Better than Indian hemp, LSD, hallucinogen, speed, smack, X, blow. Better than sex, blowjobs, rave parties, dancehall music. Better than complex sexual relationships. Better than red velvet cake. Better than delicious insanity (and yet.. this is delicious insantiy). Better than DDr, vinyls, Better than Lara Croft, Better than Jimmy Hendrix, Bob Dylan, Marley, better than Armstrong. Better than Santa Clause. Better than Bill Gates, better than the trances of Dalai Lama. Better than the collagen on the lips of Pamela Anderson. Better than ink, Thai food, drag queens. Better than Canadian prescriptions. Better than boarding, racing, and flying. Better than the drugs of Rimbaud, Morrison. Better than freedom. …Better than life….
If love is the drug.. then I am the junkie.. | | |
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